REBELLION
[“I Get It” by Chevelle begins to play as the show opens for the first time in two months. A massive pyrotechnics display is unleashed upon the entrance ramp and above the ring. Alex Blunt can be seen in the ring as “I Get It” fades and is replaced by his entrance music, “Slither”. Mic in hand, he waits for the crowd to stop cheering, and speaks.]
Alex Blunt: Good evening and welcome to Sunday Night Rebellion! We're pleased to announce that on our return we have a record attendance of 15,000 people in the revamped Infamy Stadium!
[The crowd cheers, and the camera pans over the electric fans, celebrating the long-awaited return of the LWF. A sign can be seen in the front of the crowd saying: “Thorn is gay!” The reference is lost on all but the most dedicated wrestling fans.]
Alex Blunt: We have a great card for you all tonight, featuring the debut of the Bloody Rage match! We've got an all-new roster for you tonight, including the return of Johnny Generic--
[Alex Blunt is interrupted as a few diehard Generic fans cheer “Good job, JG!”]
Alex Blunt: --and the Sheriff of the LWF, Spectre!
[The crowd goes nuts, all of them remembering the spectacular Gas Chamber match that resulted in the refurbishing of Infamy Stadium.]
Alex Blunt: All right folks! Let's get this show started, with the debuting of two promising new stars, Cody “The Chief” Mercer, and The Shadow!
[Alex Blunt returns to the announcing table, to find his broadcast partner, Mickey “The Player” Avalon is getting a lap dance from one of his random valets]
Alex Blunt: ...get her out of here. All right, wrestling fans, we've got a great match for you tonight, as I just announced in the ring!
[All the while, Mickey Avalon can be seen arguing with a security guard trying to take away his valet.]
Alex Blunt: Folks, it looks like we have a minor incident going on with my broadcasting cohort, Mickey Avalon, so let's go to the ramp for the entrances of our stars!
[“Symphony of Destruction” by Megadeth begins to play as The Shadow walks confidently down the entrance ramp and slides into the ring, eager to fight.]
Alex Blunt: Just look at the confidence in The Shadow's eyes!
Mickey Avalon: I've seen more confidence in a two-dollar hooker.
Alex Blunt: ... all right, let's get ready for the debut of The Chief!
[Metallica's cover of Breadfan begins to play as Cody “The Chief” Mercer walks down the ramp, carrying a ski-doo helmet with goggles attached under one arm.]
Alex Blunt: ...is that a ski-doo helmet?!
Mickey Avalon covers his mic and shouts to The Chief: It's June, fuckhead!
[The Chief either ignores Avalon or doesn't hear him, and continues down the ramp, stopping to flex a bit. He enters the ring and hangs his helmet on one turnbuckle. The bell is rung, and the match begins.]
Alex Blunt: The Chief and Shadow circle each other, getting the measure of their opponent--
Mickey Avalon: That's a bit gay, don't you think?
Alex Blunt: -- trying to feel each other out.
Mickey Avalon: For fuck's sake, Blunt!
Alex Blunt: Shadow goes in to lock up, but Chief gets him with a low blow! Chief takes advantage, dropping an elbow right on The Shadow's chest. Wait a minute!-- it looks The Shadow's going for some kind of armbar!
Mickey Avalon: Yes.
Alex Blunt: The Chief manages to get out of it, but he's visibly shaken. The Shadow gets back to his feet, and hits The Chief with a beautiful leg-hook STO! Chief down on the mat, Shadow goes for the pin! One, two, NO! Only a two-count.
[The camera switches to announce, as Alex stops and stares at Avalon, who's lighting up a cigarette.]
Alex Blunt: ...you know there's no smoking in here, right, Avalon?
Mickey Avalon: Yep.
[Avalon flicks his ashes in Blunt's general direction. Blunt ignores him.]
Alex Blunt: Both men on their feet, big right hand by The Chief! The Shadow answers with another right hand, but The Chief catches it and turns it into a hip toss! Great technical skill being shown by the Chief here tonight.
Mickey Avalon: Yes, very technical, Blunt.
Alex Blunt: The Chief pulls The Shadow to his feet, but Shadow works his way around and turns it into a huge Russian Legsweep! Shadow takes advantage and it looks like he's going for some sort of Sharpshooter-- no, it's a cloverleaf! But he's too close to the ropes, Chief grabs them and The Shadow has to break the hold. I don't think that would've done him much good herenyway, as The Chief's known for his high tolerance to pain.
Mickey Avalon: It looks like this is a fairly even match, Blunt.
Alex Blunt: Avalon... you know we're not allowed to drink here, right?
[The camera switches to the announce table once again. Avalon has a rum and coke in one hand and his cigarette in the other.]
Mickey Avalon: Yep.
[Avalon flicks his cigarette ashes towards Blunt's end of the announce table again. Blunt ignores him again.]
Alex Blunt: All right... oh, what's this! The Chief looks like he's going for The Avalanche, he's got The Shadow in a fireman's carry!
Mickey Avalon: The fuck is that?
Alex Blunt: ... never mind. The Shadow's squirming, and he gets out of the fireman's carry, turns it into another Russian Legsweep! Wait a minute, The Shadow's transitioned the legsweep into a rear naked choke hold!
Mickey Avalon: Fag.
Alex Blunt: Shut up, Avalon. Absolutely no effect on The Chief, who rolls out of it and kicks The Shadow in the gut! The Chief pulls The Shadow to his feet, and brings him up for the Ice Breaker, that sick Reverse Death Valley Driver! Can Shadow get out of i-- NO! The Chief hits the Ice Breaker, and goes for the pin! One, two, three! It's over!
[The Chief's entrance music plays as Rebellion fades to commercial.]
[Rebellion returns, with the ring cleared for the next match. The LWF's announcer, Bill Noble's voice is heard on the sound system.]
Bill Noble: And coming first from Parts Unknown, standing at 6'2” and weighing 233 lbs, Dante “Vagabond” Coles!
[A few members of the crowd react to Vagabond, who aired a promo on the LWF's weekly promo-show, Control. “Wherever I May Roam” by Metallica plays and smoke fills the entrance ramp. A light is projected down the ramp tunnel, showing Vagabond's silhouette walking down the tunnel. Vagabond walks down the ramp, his duster whipping around his feet.]
Alex Blunt: Dante “Vagabond” Coles, another of the LWF's new acquisitions, ready to prove himself in the ring. And I really can't imagine a harder test on any wrestler's first night; the new Bloody Rage match! It's a falls-count-anywhere match, but you can't pin your opponent until they're bleeding!
[The lights suddenly black out.]
Mickey Avalon: Fuck, we've got a power outage already. ...wait a minute. We're not broadcasting. I can say whatever the fuck I want!
Alex Blunt: As opposed to what you normally do.
Mickey Avalon: Fuck shit ass bitch whore slut skank.
Alex Blunt: But enough about your mother.
Mickey Avalon: The fuck you say to me?
[In the darkness, Avalon's lighter flicks as he lights another cigarette. “One” by Metallica starts to play, and the camera instantly returns to the entrance ramp as the crowd erupts in cheers. “One” plays for another minute, the lights flashing on and off to show that no one is on the ramp. As the music peaks, the lights turn on one last time, and Spectre can be seen halfway down the entrance ramp. He walks towards the ring, staring directly at Vagabond. Spectre climbs up to the ring apron and goes over the ring ropes. He then takes off his trenchcoat and tosses it aside.]
Alex Blunt: It's the return of Spectre! There's not a person sitting in their seat in this arena! Vagabond charges first, landing a big right hand, but Spectre tosses one right back! Vagabond staggers from the blow, and sweet Jesus, what a dropkick! Spectre's down!
Mickey Avalon: “Sweet Jesus.” What the fuck?
Alex Blunt: Vagabond approaches Spectre, but Spectre takes Vagabond down with that ridiculous leg sweep! Spectre gets to his feet and drags Vagabond up, he's going for a military press slam! Vagabond's high over head, can he get out-- no! Spectre tosses him down on the floor, but Vagabond lands on his feet! Vagabond tries to get back into the ring, but Spectre jumps right through the ropes! Suicide dive by Spectre takes both men out!
Mickey Avalon: I didn't know this was a double-date.
Alex Blunt: Spectre gets to his feet, and lets Vagabond do the same. Both men lock up--
Mickey Avalon: It's a fuckin' grope-fest out there!
Alex Blunt: Both men lock up and Spectre tosses Vagabond into the steel barrier, the crowd's loving this!
Mickey Avalon: How romantic.
Alex Blunt: Spectre lines Vagabond up for a big right hand, but Vagabond turns it into a nasty uppercut! Spectre stumbles back and Vagabond hits a quick kick on Spectre's knee! The big man stumbles a bit, but jeez, what a Big Boot! Big Boot takes Vagabond down, and―OH!-- seven foot elbow drop!
Mickey Avalon: Well, you know, Alex, that had to hurt.
Alex Blunt: Well thank you, Captain Obvious. Okay... Spectre pulls Vagabond to his feet and tosses him against the steel steps! I think Vagabond might be bleeding, this is Spectre's chance-- no, his forehead's fine! Vagabond's got to protect that forehead now, or it could be split open! Spectre grabs him in a front facelock, maybe going for that vertical suplex side slam-- but no! Vagabond with a series of punches to Spectre's gut, and he irish whips the big man up the entrance ramp! Spectre stops himself, and turns to Vagabond, I think he's going to wait for the wanderer to meet him on the ramp!
[The camera cuts to the announce table. Blunt looks at Avalon, waiting for him to comment.]
Mickey Avalon: ...I've got nothin'.
Alex Blunt: About time. Fuckin'... “What's a fireman's carry, Alex? What's a piledriver, Alex? Teach me to shave, Alex.”
[The camera cuts back to the ring, and the sound of shattering glass is heard. The camera cuts back to Mickey, who threw his glass to the floor.]
Alex Blunt: Vagabond runs up the ramp, but Spectre's waiting with a Big Boot! Vagabond ducks, and gets a low blow on Spectre!
Mickey Avalon: Speakin' of low blows... hey. Come over here.
[The camera shows Avalon motioning to his remaining valet.]
Alex Blunt: Spectre falls down, and Vagabond's going to go for a leg drop, but Spectre gets out of the way! Spectre puts Vagabond in a reverse facelock, and turns it into a big reverse DDT! Spectre picks Vagabond up and throws him into the crowd, those fans barely got out of the way in time! Spectre climbs over the barrier, and those fans are giving the big man all the space he needs! Vagabond gets to his feet and wow!, big jumping kick to the head by Vagabond! Spectre stumbles back, and Vagabond hits the dropkick!
Mickey Avalon: Hey, hey, watch it... if I feel teeth you're going home without 'em.
Alex Blunt: Hey... where'd your valet go? ... oh, god.
Mickey Avalon: Oh, god!
Alex Blunt: I'm getting too old for this shit... anyway, Spectre's on his feet, Vagabond kicks him in the gut but Spectre's not affected. Spectre gets Vagabond with a punch to the gut, Vagabond keels over. Spectre's got the front facelock, big suplex! He's holding him in the air, brings him under his arm, and there's that big side slam! Wait a minute... somebody get a camera above the ring, they're lowering a cage! And... and I think there are weapons lashed to the roof! Good lord, this is insane!
[The crowd starts to cheer, as the cage is lowered over the ring. Spectre looks back at the ring, and starts walking towards it.]
Alex Blunt: Spectre's walking towards the ring, and he's leaving Vagabond on the floor! I think we all remember what happened the last time Spectre was on top of a cage! This could spell the end for Vagabond! We've got to go to commercial, folks, stay right where you are!
Mickey Avalon: So what'd I miss?
Alex Blunt: ... I hate this job. No, I don't hate this job. I hate you. I fucking hate you Mickey Avalon.
Mickey Avalon: Hey... they're both on the steel cage. When the fuck did that happen?
Alex Blunt: Probably somewhere between commercial break and your little rendezvous under the table. Anyway, Spectre kicks Vagabond in the gut, I think he's going for the Last Breath! But Vagabond breaks out! What? What's this!? Vagabond just used the steel cage as a springboard! I've never seen anything like this before! He launches off the cage toward Spectre, hooking Spectre's head in the crook of his knee! Oh my God! It's the Last Whisper! Vagabond spins and falls, driving Spectre's head down into the steel cage!
[A snap reverberates through the air, as both wrestlers fall through the steel cage and down to the ring.]
Alex Blunt: Jesus Christ! Shades of Mick Foley as both wrestlers fall through the steel cage! Good lord, stop the match, these guys could be hurt!
Mickey Avalon: Fuck that fuckshit!
Alex Blunt: Wait a second, both men are bleeding! Either man can take this now! What the hell, Spectre's getting to his feet! The Sheriff of the LWF is standing tall in the middle of the ring! Spectre grabs a steel bat from the floor, he's looking to do some damage with it! Vagabond gets to his feet, but Spectre takes him in the face with that steel bat! Oh my god, Vagabond is completely out of it! Spectre tosses the bat aside, and he's pulling Vagabond up... he's going for the Hangman's Noose! He lifts him up for a chokeslam, and drops drown into a kneeling position, while Vagabond drops onto the crook of his arm! Vagabond's down, Spectre goes for the count! One, two, three, it's over! Spectre earns a hard-fought victory here tonight!
[Rebellion goes to commercial as “One” begins to play, amidst the cheers of the fans.]
Alex Blunt: We're back from commercial, and they've just finished clearing the ring after that insane Bloody Rage match! And the violence is going to continue, because we've got a Hardcore match coming up between Alistair “Stainless” Steele and LWF newcomer, Damian Hunter! What a night this is shaping up to be!
Mickey Avalon: I see a couple of fine shapes over there.
Alex Blunt: Really, would it be so hard to just call the match?
Mickey Avalon: Yes. Yes, it would.
Alex Blunt: Well, are you going to do it anyway?
Mickey Avalon: ...Fine.
[Alex and Mickey are interrupted as Bill Noble's voice broadcasts throughout the stadium.]
Bill Noble: And introducing first from Dublin, Ireland, standing at 6'2” and weighing 236 lbs, Alistair “Stainless” Steele!
[“Coming Undone” by Korn begins to blare over the speakers as the crowd boos. Steele walks out from backstage, clad in his usual jeans, custom black t-shirt, and steel-nosed work boots. He walks down the ramp, fitting his steel gauntlet over his right forearm. He pauses halfway to the ring and looks around, spreading his arms out wide and smiling deviously. Ignoring the crowd's boos, he struts to the ring and climbs between the top and middle ropes. He then stands in the center of the ring, and, running a hand through his long grey hair, waits for his opponent to enter the ring.]
Mickey Avalon: Well, he sure took his sweet fuckin' time getting to the ring.
Bill Noble: And his opponent, from Dallas, Texas, standing at 6'4”, and weighing 242 lbs, Damian Hunter!
[The opening guitar riff of “You Eclipsed by Me” by Atreyu blasts throughout the arena as the lights dim. Damian Hunter walks into a beam of white light, coming from underneath the stage,as a wind turbine begins to come to life just under his feet. Damian stands for a few moments, looking out into the darkness as his dark overcoat dances around his body. He slowly makes his way down the entrance ramp, lights coming to life under his feet, disappearing just as fast as his sole leaves the surface. Damian rolls into the ring, and makes his way to one of the turnbuckles, as he leans against it, emotionless.]
Mickey Avalon: What is it with these long God damned entrances? I mean, come on, just hurry up and get in-- Oh! Steele makes the first move, lunging against Damian with a spear! But Hunter quickly sidesteps it, and Dumbass McFuckshit slams shoulder first into the ringpost!
[The camera switches to the announce table to show Alex Blunt, staring, mouth agape, at Mickey.]
Mickey Avalon: What?
Alex Blunt: Wow... I-I just... wow. Anyway... Damian looks to capitalize, pulling Steele out of the post and going for a high chickenwing, really putting pressure on Steele's damaged shoulder! The ref's asking if Steele's going to tap out, but no such luck for Damian Hunter! Steele works his way to the ropes, and grabs them! Hunter has to let go of the submission, but he's keeping it in! The ref counts to four and Damian lets go. Steele goes for another spear, but this time he hits it! I'll hand the bastard credit, he at least knew not to use his bad shoulder. Steele pulls Damian to his feet, but Damian punches him in the gut! Steele fights back, giving him another blow, and another, and another!
Mickey Avalon: Deja vu, anyone?
Alex Blunt: Steele kicks Damian in the gut, and grabs him for a big vertical suplex! Holding him high overhead, Steele brings him up over the ropes! Damian hits the floor hard, writhing in pain! Steele climbs outside the ring, and he's fishing around for something under the ring... he's pulling out a 2x4 wrapped in barbed wire! Steele raises it up, he's going to do some real damage here-- but Damian gets out of the way in time! Damian rolls to his feet, and grabs a steel chair! Damian blocks a shot from that 2x4 with the chair, and the chair's stuck to the 2x4! Damian lets go of the chair, and Steele's not quite sure what's going on! Oh my God, Damian just kicked the steel chair! Steele drops the 2x4 just in time, and Damian just sent that chair into the steel barrier! The fans backed away about ten feet after that one!
Mickey Avalon: They better get out of there, that thing looks like it'd fuckin' hurt!
Alex Blunt: Damian's back on his feet, goes for a spear on Steele, but Steele turns it into a DDT! Steele's down, though, it looks like he still caught some of that spear. Steele's struggling back to his feet, but Damian's completely out of it. Wait, what's he doing now? Steele's climbing back into the ring, and he's making his way up to the top rope!
Mickey Avalon: Ha, look at Hunter! He's crawling on the floor like a fuckin' paraplegic without a wheelchair!
Alex Blunt: Looks like Damian's trying to stand! He's supporting himself on the steel barrier. I can't believe it, he's back on his feet! Steele's just standing there on the top rope. I think he's waiting for Hunter to turn around! Hunter's turning... and Steele flies! He's going for the Blacksmith's Hammer, but Hunter gets out of the way! Good lord, Steele went over the barrier and clotheslined a fan with that gauntlet!
Mickey Avalon: What the fuck!? I haven't seen aim that bad since when my grandfather tried to take a piss standing up!
Alex Blunt: Steele gets over the barrier, and good lord, those fans are pissed. Damian grabs Steele, and throws him into the side of the ring, Steele falls to the ground. Damian jumps up to the steel barrier, and performs the springboard moonsault he calls the Dawn of Fate off of the barrier! He hits it perfectly! Damian pulls Steele into the ring, and he follows him! Damian with the cover! One, two, thr-- no, just a near-fall! Damian gets to his feet, obviously none too pleased-- OH MY GOD! Steele just got a low blow on Damian with that steel gauntlet! This is a hardcore match, folks, this is all legal!
Mickey Avalon: So was that broad I had last night. ...I hope.
Alex Blunt: All right, what the fuck does that have to do with the match?
Mickey Avalon: Just thought you'd like to know.
Alex Blunt: Well, next time you feel like sharing something like that with me again, do me a favor. Don't do it. Anyway, Damian is still on the mat, clutching his injured groin and rolling around, wincing in pain! Steele picks him up, and he's going for that sick spinning impaler-- there it is, the Beaten Anvil! Oh, it's all academic now, one, two, three, what a terrible ending to a great match. That match was in Damian's favor, but Steele snuck that underhanded low blow in at the last minute. Disgusting.
[“Coming Undone” by Korn, Steele's entrance theme, begins to play as Steele chuckles over Hunter's unconscious body. Massaging his shoulder, he spits on Hunter's body before he walks out of the ring and up the ramp.]
Bill Noble: Introducing first, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, standing at 6' tall and weighing 226 lbs, Johnny Generic!
[“In Fate's Hands” by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus begins to play as Johnny leaps out of the entrance tunnel to cheers of “Good job, JG!” His manager, Joe Nobody, follows suit, cheering him on. Johnny makes his way to the ring and mounts the top turnbuckle, raising his fists in an attempt to rally more support from the already-enthusiastic fans.]
Alex Blunt: Well, Johnny Generic always a fan favorite here, if not a regular victor. Let's see who he's up against!
Bill Noble: And his opponent, hailing from Abilene, Kansas, standing at 6'8” and weighing in at 350 lbs, he's Apius!
[As “Releasing the Demons” by Godsmack begins to play, red smoke begins to spew into the entrance ramp, the song kicks in and Apius shoots out from the floor in front of a wall of fire, beginning a casual march to the ring to start the match.]
Alex Blunt: My God, that man is a monster!
Mickey Avalon: That's what she said.
Alex Blunt: Anyway, Apius gets in the ring, and Johnny looks none too happy about it. I think he's trying for the DX chop, but Apius shuts him with a running Big Boot! But Generic pops right up, look at the determination in that kid! But, geez, what a right hand from Apius! Generic's down again, and Apius goes for a leg drop right across Johnny's chest! That's 350 lbs of pain right there!
Mickey Avalon: That is a lot of pain, Alex. A lot of pain.
Alex Blunt: Apius gets up and pulls Johnny Generic to his feet! Apius goes for a chokeslam, and Johnny kicks him in the gut, to no avail!
Mickey Avalon: Geez, all these fuckin' kicks to the gut are gonna lead to a lot of indigestion backstage.
Alex Blunt: Apius lifts him by the throat, high in the air, massive chokeslam by the demon! He's lifting him up, Generic's completely out of it! Wait a minute, I think Apius is going for the Crucifix Powerbomb! He hits it, good God, he just turned Generic inside out! Apius goes for the cover, one, two, three! It's over!
[“Releasing the Demons” begins to play, but is suddenly interrupted by “Hell” by The Disturbed as the lights suddenly fade out.]
Mickey Avalon: The fuck, Spectre, your match is over!
[“Hell” begins to pick up and a loud, crashing noise can be heard from the ring. The lights slowly, fade in to a dim glow, and a dark, cloaked figure can be seen, kneeling in the ring.]
Alex Blunt: Who is that?!
Mickey Avalon: A dark, cloaked figure, Alex.
Alex Blunt: All right... the “dark, cloaked figure” is getting to its feet, and Apius looks a little perturbed, Avalon.
Mickey Avalon: You mean “disturbed”, Alex. We don't make up words here.
Alex Blunt: The mysterious individual gets to his feet, he only looks to be about 5'9”-5'10”, but shit, what a punch from that left hand! Good lord, he just took Apius out with one punch! What the hell?! Now he's lifting up Apius with one arm! Good lord, that's 350 lbs right there! He's going some kind of one-handed military press-- this is ridiculous-- and drops the big man onto his knee! One-handed military press backbreaker, have you even seen that before, Mickey?!
Mickey Avalon: Yes. Yes, I have.
Alex Blunt: ... okay. All right. The stranger drags Apius to his knees, again only using that ridiculous left arm! He grabs him by the throat and good lord, he just tossed Apius over the ropes! Apius is out cold, folks, Apius is out!
[The lights fade out again, and when they turn back on, the figure has vanished. Rebellion goes to commercial.]
Alex Blunt: Welcome back to Rebellion, folks, and we're down to our main event of the evening, an eight-man-over-the-top-rope battle royale to determine the new LWF Extreme Champion! And let's get this match started, as first out is “The Chief”!
[Metallica's cover of Breadfan begins to play as Cody “The Chief” Mercer walks down the ramp, carrying a ski-doo helmet with goggles attached under one arm.]
Alex Blunt: And let's find out who his opponent will be!
[“In Fate's Hands” by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus begins to play as Johnny leaps out of the entrance tunnel to cheers of “Good job, JG!” His manager, Joe Nobody, follows suit, cheering him on. Johnny makes his way to the ring and mounts the top turnbuckle, raising his fists in an attempt to rally more support from the already-enthusiastic fans.]
Alex Blunt: It's Johnny Generic! The two men start this off with a big brawl, The Chief throwing a right hand and Johnny Generic answering with the same! Quick spin kick by The Chief takes down Generic, who looks like he's still hurting from that beatdown he suffered at the hands of Apius! The Chief pulls him to his feet, but Johnny Generic grabs The Chief for a belly-to-belly suplex, but The Chief isn't going anywhere! The Chief turns it into a belly-to-belly of his own!
Mickey Avalon: Maybe they should kiss and make up.
Alex Blunt: The Chief pulls Johnny Generic to his feet, and he hits for The Avalanche, what a death valley driver! JG is completely out of it, and The Chief pulls him to his feet and tips him over the ropes.
Bill Noble: Johnny Generic has been eliminated.
[“Coming Undone” by Korn begins to blare over the speakers as the crowd boos. Steele runs down to the ring, and goes straight for The Chief.]
Alex Blunt: And the third entrant is Alistair “Stainless” Steele! Steele takes it right to The Chief, kicking him in the gut and getting in a quick snap suplex. Steele goes for a leg drop, but The Chief rolls out of the way. Chief gets to his feet, grabs Steele from behind and hits a perfect Atomic Drop. The Chief tries to go for the Ice Breaker, but Steele's having none of that. Steele gets out of it and punches The Chief in the face with that steel gauntlet!
[Suddenly, the lights go out as, once more, “Hell” by The Disturbed begins to play. Steele looks up, expecting the figure to come down from the ceiling as he did before, but instead the cloaked figure slips in underneath the ropes.]
Alex Blunt: And it's that same person who destroyed Apius! He slips in beneath the ropes, and takes out Steele with that devastating left hand! The Chief gets to his feet, but finds himself being goozled by the mysterious individual! The newcomer just tossed The Chief over the ropes by his neck, with one hand!
Bill Noble: Cody “The Chief” Mercer has been eliminated.
[“Symphony of Destruction” by Megadeth begins to play as The Shadow runs to the ring.]
Mickey Avalon: And it's a three-way brawl, now, fuckers! The Shadow gets in a nice Russian Legsweep on Steele, but the mysterious newcomer gets in a big backhand hit on Steele, again using that left arm! This devastating fucker is picking up Steele again, holding him by only one hand! He tosses the Stainless one into the turnbuckle, and charges in with a big dropkick on the turnbuckle! He got Steele with the left leg, which looks like it's as dangerous as his left arm!
[The camera switches to the announce table, showing Alex staring, disbelieving, at Mickey, who is wavering behind a tower of empty glasses.]
Alex Blunt: Y-you... you just called that entire thing!
[The opening guitar riff of “You Eclipsed by Me” by Atreyu plays as Damian Hunter runs into the ring, gunning for Steele.]
Mickey Avalon: Here comes Hunter, he wants to go for Steele but the mysterious stranger is in his way! Hunter goes straight for the Eclipse, but the new guy backflips out of the way, and his cloak comes off! Jesus, look at the tits on that broad! Holy shit, it's a broad!
Alex Blunt: Big twist here as the mysterious newcomer turns out to be a woman! A woman who lifted Apius overhead!
Mickey Avalon: Now that's a woman!
Alex Blunt: Wait a second, Vagabond just slipped into the ring! He takes The Shadow from behind and tosses him over the ropes!
Bill Noble: The Shadow has been eliminated.
Alex Blunt: It's total mayhem in there! Everyone's just wailing on each other! Wait a minute, Steele just clotheslined Vagabond with that steel gauntlet! He's cradling his neck, I think he's still hurting from The Hangman's Noose, nevermind that sick fall from the top of the cage! Steele picks up Vagabond, and suplexes him over the ropes! Wait a second, Damian's not fighting anyone, he's got his sights on Steele! Steele rests on the ropes for a second, and GOOD LORD, Damian just Eclipsed him over the top rope! What a superkick!
[The lights suddenly black out, and “One” begins to play. The lights flash back on, and Spectre's standing in the middle of the ring.]
Mickey Avalon: It's Spectre! Damian charges for Spectre, but Spectre grabs him and puts him in that military press drop! He just tossed Damian right over the ropes! Geez, that was fast.
Bill Noble: Damian Hunter has been eliminated.
Alex Blunt: It's down to Spectre and who we've just been iformed is known as “Anomaly!”
Mickey Avalon: I'll Anna her Molly.
Alex Blunt: What does that even mean?! Anyway, Anomaly charges straight for Spectre, who goes for the Big Boot, but Anomaly ducks! Anomaly tries to kick Spectre's leg out from beneath him, but now the big man gets out of the way! Anomaly swings that vicious left fist, and it takes Spectre right in the gut! Spectre stumbles back and Anomaly presses her advantage, but I think Spectre was playing possum! Spectre catches Anomaly, lifts her high over head and throws her straight down, what a spinebuster! Anomaly gets up, though, showing no sign of letting up, and takes Spectre's knee out with that left hand of hers! Spectre stumbles, and Anomaly grabs his throat!
Mickey Avalon: I'll tell you what she can grab.
Alex Blunt: Shut up. Anomaly looks like she's going for something, but Spectre grabs her arm and hurls her to the turnbuckle! Spectre charges in, and plants that boot right in her stomach! Anomaly stumbles forward and Spectre goes for a clothesline, but Anomaly ducks! Anomaly wacks Spectre's leg again, putting the Sheriff on his knees! Spectre gets up and turns to meet Anomaly, what a war of the titans this is turning out to be! Anomaly throws a left handed punch, but Spectre gets out of the way! Spectre goes for an inverted DDT, but Anomaly gets out of there! Ooh, kick to the gut by Spectre reels Anomaly over, and the Sheriff of the LWF gets a nice Implant DDT! Spectre's going to the top turnbuckle, it might be Nightfall! He points at Anomaly's body, here it comes, that sick leg drop! Spectre jumps, and oh my god, that's a 300 pound leg drop! This might've finally turned the tide, folks!
Mickey Avalon: I'd like to turn her tide.
Alex Blunt: Spectre gets to his feet, and Anomaly rolls away, grabbing the ropes for support! Wait, what? Anomaly just jumped over the ropes! Anomaly eliminated herself!
Mickey Avalon: Dumb broad.
Alex Blunt: I guess she's decided to live to fight another day!
Bill Noble: Anomaly has been eliminated! The winner, and new LWF Extreme Champion: Spectre!
[“One” begins to play again, as the crowd pops for Spectre. The Two come down to the ring, carrying The Extreme Championship in hand. They stare at Spectre in the ring, who extends his hand. Reluctantly, Johnny hands the Championship over to Spectre. The Two leave the ring, and the lights flash off and on again, Spectre having disappeared.]
Alex Blunt: What a night! The debut of an almost completely new roster, including the nightmarish Anomaly! And Spectre becomes the new Extreme Champion! He might not be holding the belt for long, though, because it's defended every show!
Mickey Avalon: Hey, y'know, back in that first match, that second russian legsweep was actually a leg-hook reverse DDT.
Alex Blunt: ...what?!
Avalon: And if you don't know, now you know!
Alex Blunt: Uh, I believe that's copyrighted, you're not allowed to say that.
Avalon: Yeah? I don't care, because that's how I roll.
[The camera fades out, ending the show.]